In the wake of recent events, we must address the problem of spiritual abuse.
Disheartening as it may be, spiritual abuse is nothing new. It is a story as old as time. It begins with the temptation of Adam and Eve in the garden, who were promised gnosis in exchange for transgressing the limits laid down by God.
Spiritual abuse can be defined as a betrayal of trust by a religious authority or spiritual guide who, in the name of religion or spiritual enlightenment, pursues an ulterior motive, such as financial gain or sexual gratification.
And because faith is an act of trust, betrayal can shake us to the core. When it occurs, it is only natural to question whether anyone can ever be trusted again. It is also natural for victims to feel great shame and blame themselves for ‘allowing it’ to happen. We must pray for them and be compassionate.
Spiritual abuse is an insidious, deceptive, sort of treachery. It does not happen all at once. Just as the abuser is lured by Satan, so is the victim lured down a path that appears enlightening. Slowly, they acquiesce to one small transgression, then another. Because the allure of enlightenment is so strong, the small transgressions are rationalized and put aside, as the victim struggles to resolve the cognitive dissonance. For every objection, a thousand excuses slowly bring the victim to ignore their own feelings and misgivings, doubting themselves before an authority that is so convincing. An abuser can create a perception of being closer to God and use it to further sow doubt and fear in the victim, as though doubting the abuser were to doubt God.
The more they doubt themselves, the more they need reassurance. And since the abuser occupies the place of a spiritual guide or teacher, this becomes the only place in which the victim can feel any kind of relief from crushing self-doubt. Out of desperation, they sink deeper.
God can pull you from that darkness in an instant, but healing will take time. It’s only natural for anyone impacted by spiritual abuse to ask where was God when this was happening? There’s no answer I can give you that will suffice. Instead, cry it into the night. Eventually, to your heart, will come an answer.
I hope and pray this message can bring understanding to the phenomenon of spiritual abuse, through which victims can come to forgive themselves. It won’t be easy, but you’ll get through it, and this need not define you.
Some tips to steer clear of the danger.
No one teacher or spiritual guide has exclusive access to the Divine. It’s okay to take a step back from an individual, or even an organization. It does not mean you are walking away from God. Put your trust in Allah alone.
Trust your instincts. There may be a reason it doesn’t feel right, despite all the explanations the abuser could give you.
Confide in a friend, or even another religious or spiritual teacher.
If the abuser demands secrecy, that should be a big red flag. If they truly are on the path of sincerity, there should be no reason to dissuade from talking to others about their teachings.
by Henrik Vierula, on behalf of Nafs Healing
Nov 14, 2024